Writer: Francesca N.
Visual: Erica N.
Editor: James Y.
Never have I thought that Dora would be a high schooler tripping on slightly phallic flowers, and yet, this is exactly what I witnessed on a Friday evening with friends: Dora and the Lost City of Gold. It sucks. There is no humor as there are attempts at it. The story is threaded together by the weakest of paradoxes. The characters are shallower than Swiper’s motives. In other words, it is a crowning jewel of our times.
You may be wondering, could I BE any more of a 5 year old? Because one look at the trailer is enough to confirm that they didn’t take risks. It’s disappointing: rather than having Dora face extreme peer pressure and remind everyone cheerily that it’s not cool to juul (i.e., face real, pressing, and relatable high school issues), she gets stuck on a bus and gets called “dorka,” because that is exactly our modern day high school mentality. Rather than having Dora learn to cuss at her first party, she just HEARS about a rave that is from her father in the most painfully corny scene witnessed on the big screen. Finally, then she dances like a sad dad in a Patrick Star-esque sun costume. In other words, if you want quality, refer to the College Humor trailer parodies. The movie lacks the spark of genius, the life-changing factor that transforms a movie from a story to a pinnacle of our own identities.
However, a movie’s worth should be taken more than its face value. The reason you must see the new Dora movie is its very horribleness, its ultimate failure to be a cinematic masterpiece. When your friends are sitting in the seats beside you, certainly scandalizing the elementary schools in the rows behind you with your combined dirty cheap jokes, the movie becomes more than a movie and more like a memory. Watching horrible movies is fun because the focus is taken from the story onscreen to yours: with your friends, in the cinema or in front of the TV or a laptop, making fun of cringy attempts.
Movies have this incredible power to transfixed and shock you with compelling writing and holistic characters. But the beauty of bad movies cannot be ignored: commentary, questioning, and cheap tactics all make for the most hilarious Friday night. This school year, give a little more attention to the Barbies and Hannah Montanas and Cars 2s. Dive into the world of subjectively bad art, the weaker activities, the lamer hangouts. The funny thing is how the best things usually come out of the worst situations. For this reason, Dora and the Lost CGI of Gold may never win awards or move the heart or win the cards – but it will certainly make you grin.