Visual by: Zoe
After two long days of submitting resolutions and amendments, asking points of inquiry, and strict parliamentary procedure, delegates need a way to unwind; a way to interact with other delegates in a more relaxed environment. The purpose of the Crisis Debate is to provide this space.
The Crisis Debate occurs after the time allotted for resolutions to be debated in committees ends, after which delegates are given time to relax by debating yet another global issue. It may sound drab; but there’s a twist. More often than not, the issue is completely nonsensical, and that was definitely the case for the debates that took place this Saturday afternoon.
GA1 + GA3
Sabi (CIS – Russia), “what if we ask all the girls to stalk the world leaders. girls are basically FBI workers anyway….” – this gives you all a small glimpse of the atmosphere created in the breakout room of GA1+GA3.
GA1+GA3 Crisis Debate delegates produce a tone presupposing satire and banter — though all in all truly amusing. In a broader sense, the Crisis Debate functioned as a reliever for the delegates; while still integrating proper MUN structure. The difference was in that topics of discussion pertained more to contemporary ideas relating to pop culture.
The diverse set of students ranging from Xavier, to ISM hold no fear in actively corroborating, collaborating and explaining their particular stances on #Kimye’s ruling of the world — in these they separate the two, pitting the ex-couple against each other as potential leaders of the world. In one group, the delegates explored the idea of having Kanye West as the world leader. While the other explored having Kim. Both groups spoke to each other in avid discussion through voice channels on discord, where they distributed their varying opinions. Within the chaos and excitement of the server, I spoke to Mari (Xavier San Juan – Italy) and Marcus (BSM – Zambia) who shared with me their differing narratives. Marcus called for Kim being leader and Mari called for Kanye being leader.
Marcus states that in making a decision between Kanye and Kim, Kim was indisputably the better choice. The delegates in favor of Kardashian Nation would take measures including but not limited to the following in retrieving the original world leaders: the use of Kim Kardashian’s extensive social media influence to enforce searches/rescue operations, using Swifties to attack and ravage offenders, and the use of fan bases as intelligence tools in order to sneak into relevant locations. Moreover, her rule would begin accordingly alongside the following celebrities, Nicki Minaj, Wendy Williams, Mariah Carey; who would presumably help with world affairs. Marcus himself says that, “Kim is definitely fit to be a world leader. She has had prior education in law, in contrast to Kanye.”
On the contrary, the United Kanyations, with Mari representing the group in discussion, had other views. They stated that Kanye would be the perfect leader compared to Kim. In evident awe of him, they initially emphasize the “need to keep Kanye entertained” during his rule. Further, they propose for all nations to be renamed to “Kanye” in respect to “His greatness.” Integrating time, present and future – Kanye is said to exceed all, having given Adam and Eve a pair of Yeezys which further supports why he should be the leader. Next, they continue on saying that in terms of keeping world affairs in control. They would launch intercontinental operations in cooperation with security forces to address any uprising or revolutions against the great regime and even deploy KLA (Kanye Liberation Army) troops in areas of conflict and areas of clashing ideologies and beliefs to act as keepers of the peace.
What do you all think of these arguments? And knowing some background, who would you side with?
GA4 + GA6
After one of the GA4+GA6 chairs unmuted to announce that the Tiktok Data Privacy crisis would be the subject of their assembly and debates, the chair apologized to the audience, saying, “sorry if our topic is boring compared to the rest.” A few minutes into the assembly, however, it quickly became apparent that this assembly would be everything but boring. Once everyone had arrived inside the breakout room, and the chairs had opened their cameras and revealed themselves, a shock wave suffused across the delegates as four of the six chairs announced themselves as citizens of the lost city of Atlantis, and the two remaining chairs as their prisoners. They then revealed their true Crisis which was the “Atlantis Invasion and Extortion Attempts Through TikTok.” The four chairs who had taken on the identities of the delegates of Atlantis claimed to have hacked TikTok and gotten access to all of humanity’s private information. This compelled delegates to construct a resolution in order to save the chairs and, as their presentation states, “the rest of humanity.” Following this, the delegates split themselves into two separate groups: one in favor of saving the chairs, complying with all the needs of the “Atlanteans,” and the other, opting to sacrifice the chairs and attack the underwater nation. The amusing yet formal assembly consisted of several questions, rebuttals, and speeches, and was, overall, effortlessly entertaining.
UNSC + HRC + ECOSOC
In the UNSC+HRC+ECOSOC Crisis Debate, the delegates’ hypothetical problem dealt with the COVID vaccine causing all body parts to inflate – however, this was actually one of the main benefits as far as the general public was concerned. The main conflict was amongst plastic surgeons, as the swelling caused by the vaccine was leading to a lack of business. The vaccine also wasn’t too popular amongst certain celebrities, specifically Bella Poarch, Nicki Minaj, and Lil Nas X (there was also much speculation as to why, exactly, these particular celebrities were against such a vaccine).
The chairs gave a truly pun-tastic introduction to the debate, with the HRC head chair declaring, “I heard from a friend of a friend that this Crisis is a ten out of ten.” A fitting start to a debate described by one delegate as “a riot.” The first resolution submitted, titled Bogos Binted, outlined the steps to be taken in order to resolve this conflict, including a clause that suggested that five countries, specified in subclauses, be destroyed unless they are able to procure Lil Nas X and Kanye West for the role of Co-Secretary Generals of the United Nations.
Yet another notable departure from parliamentary procedure occurred when Kim Kardashian, a delegate who was given a place in the debate for unknown reasons, proceeded to give a very stern speech directed to Stormi Jenner (inexplicably, another stakeholder), and then yielded her “runway” to the chair. In addition to this, there was also a brief disruption in the middle of the already unstructured debate that caused the delegate of the UK, one of the twenty main submitters – others include the Vatican and Kanye West – to leave: a delegate questioned whether the delegate of the UK was aware that through destroying five countries in the aforementioned clause, they would also be destroying themselves. In response to this, the delegate succinctly replied, “yes, this delegate is aware and does not believe that the UK should exist, which is why she is now leaving the meeting”, and proceeded to promptly exit.
Despite such anomalies, due to the ardent efforts of all the delegates in support of the resolution, it was passed – however, it is not know by how much, as the declaration made by the chair, “because the chairs don’t know math, the resolution is passed,” left considerable room for doubt. there was also some confusion about what exactly was required in the debate, but overall, the atmosphere of the debate as a whole was largely jubilant; there was a lot of laughter, and the common consensus among delegates seemed to be that this was a fitting end to the more formal procedures necessitated by the previous debates. Whether or not the solution reached through the Crisis Debate would be effective in real life, it definitely did what it set out to do; foster an environment of relaxation and goodwill amongst delegates.